Forget titles.
I guess I'll cut to the chase, bcause this may very well be the last time that our creative writing class is together. Just think, after you read this, there's no more obligation! You don't need to read this bullshit for school any more! Rejoice!
So, retreat was an eye-opener. For the last six years or so, I've wanted to be respected by my fellow students and, for the most part, I was. However, being the idiot that I am, I was otherwise unable to see it. And it's too late that I realize that admiration and respect aren't mutually inclusive. And there we go again, with the big words and the important sounding phrases. For now, I'll just kill that vocabulary and stick to the basic two-thousand word vocabulary that we all have; connection with my peers is more important than getting praise for clever word choice in this piece. The details of this picture don't matter, it's the message. Forget tone, diction, connotation and all that crap and just read on.
So there was this activity that we had, where we broke off into groups and wrote about what our group members would be doing in ten years. I don't think I need to explain it much more, as most of you went through the activity.
That was a touching activity, to be honest. I don't know if people were being polite or what went on, but it was a good insight into what other people think of me. And no matter how much I pretend to be above that kind of stuff, or how much confidence I pretend to have, there's nothing there. If my peers hate me, then I hate me: it's as simple as that. And until a little while ago, I really thought a good number of people at Prout didn't like me for one reason or another, I don't know why. Maybe it was because people didn't really reach out to me or something, but I didn't feel like I felt in.
I know what you're thinking, or what I would think if I looked at this. It's pathetic, it's angsty, it dates me as somewhere under sixteen, probably around twelve or thirteen, but it's the truth.
But to hear what successes people expected of me, or what they thought I would be ten years from now proved me wrong. And I'm kind of pissed at myself for shutting so many people out for no reason at all, but at the same time I'm in awe of what people thought. For four years I tried to get respect when it was staring me in the damn face. I lost touch with people for the stupidest reasons, and I tried too hard with people, and I don't know if this experience was for good or bad. On one hand, things always look better when you look back at them, and I can say that some parts of high school definately sucked worse than anything that's happened to me, but I can't help but think that a lot of that was just pity and drama that I threw on myself.
So I had a point, but it got lost there somewhere. What I want to say is that a lot of people are expecting a lot of good things from me, and that means more than they know.
So, retreat was an eye-opener. For the last six years or so, I've wanted to be respected by my fellow students and, for the most part, I was. However, being the idiot that I am, I was otherwise unable to see it. And it's too late that I realize that admiration and respect aren't mutually inclusive. And there we go again, with the big words and the important sounding phrases. For now, I'll just kill that vocabulary and stick to the basic two-thousand word vocabulary that we all have; connection with my peers is more important than getting praise for clever word choice in this piece. The details of this picture don't matter, it's the message. Forget tone, diction, connotation and all that crap and just read on.
So there was this activity that we had, where we broke off into groups and wrote about what our group members would be doing in ten years. I don't think I need to explain it much more, as most of you went through the activity.
That was a touching activity, to be honest. I don't know if people were being polite or what went on, but it was a good insight into what other people think of me. And no matter how much I pretend to be above that kind of stuff, or how much confidence I pretend to have, there's nothing there. If my peers hate me, then I hate me: it's as simple as that. And until a little while ago, I really thought a good number of people at Prout didn't like me for one reason or another, I don't know why. Maybe it was because people didn't really reach out to me or something, but I didn't feel like I felt in.
I know what you're thinking, or what I would think if I looked at this. It's pathetic, it's angsty, it dates me as somewhere under sixteen, probably around twelve or thirteen, but it's the truth.
But to hear what successes people expected of me, or what they thought I would be ten years from now proved me wrong. And I'm kind of pissed at myself for shutting so many people out for no reason at all, but at the same time I'm in awe of what people thought. For four years I tried to get respect when it was staring me in the damn face. I lost touch with people for the stupidest reasons, and I tried too hard with people, and I don't know if this experience was for good or bad. On one hand, things always look better when you look back at them, and I can say that some parts of high school definately sucked worse than anything that's happened to me, but I can't help but think that a lot of that was just pity and drama that I threw on myself.
So I had a point, but it got lost there somewhere. What I want to say is that a lot of people are expecting a lot of good things from me, and that means more than they know.
posted by Dylan at 3:17 PM
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